So Now I'm Obsessed

Ever since they told me to go for a sono to check for the cyst they think I have, my brain is stuck on ovarian cancer. Most are benign but the symptoms I had before ever becoming pregnant is what led them to decide to go ahead with blood tests.

When I came home I hit Google to check out symptoms. Here's some, but ovarian cancer may have no symptoms at all, too.

• 
  Bloating
• 
  Pelvic or abdominal pain
• 
  Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• 
  Urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency)

Heck, those are normal if you are pregnant! But leading up to this pregnancy I had some really weird issues with the monthlies. Later and later, light, spotty, or on and off. Great. Yay. Woo-hoo.

I haven't been too nice of a person the past few days, either. Worrying about the 'what-ifs'. What if it is cancer. What if I die and Rob is left with the kids. What if it is just a cyst. What if it is like the one my grandma had, huge. What if they take my ovary. What is it isn't a cyst but a tubal pregnancy. What if all my worrying makes it worse. What if it turns out it is cancer and it has spread all over?

Had a fight with Rob earlier and this was the root of it. I know he doesn't know why I am so irritable. He thinks it is just because of how the kids have been lately. God knows that doesn't help, either. Terisa has been awful, back talking, mocking, grinning when you tell her she is in trouble. Amber...man, she just is nuts right now. Robbie Jr isn't too bad, unless he watches his older siblings. I have no clue where I went wrong, either. I try to keep a schedule, reward them for good behavior and punish them for the bad.

I don't know. I think I need a long vacation.